On her Own
by Tan-is-a-fan
Summary: Ever wondered what happened to Buffy in that summer she spent in L.A.? This fic starts right after she’s killed Angel and follows Buffy in L.A., where she gets help when she least expects it alternate version of the episode ‘Anne’. FINISHED.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: Sadly, they're not mine. It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, the WB and probably some other people.  
__Rating: PG I guess.  
__Warning: Massive angst  
__Info: Ever wondered what happened to Buffy in that summer she spent in L.A.? This fic starts right after she's killed Angel in Becoming part two. It follows Buffy in L.A. but gives an alternate version of the episode 'Anne'. No stupid hell dimensions here!  
__Characters: Buffy, and some familiar faces coming up in the near future...  
__Dedication: no one in particular, but I would like to dedicate this fic to Sarah Michelle Gellar herself for giving breathtaking performances in Becoming and Anne._

**Prologue**

Still in a daze, she walks out of the mansion and blinks against the harsh sunlight. Birds are singing, and in the distance she can hear an ice cream cart's bell. It's an astonishingly beautiful day, but she can't even bear to look at the little children playing in a front yard a couple of houses down the street. They'll never know how close they came to being obliterated, she thinks to herself, but it's over now. Suddenly she realizes bitterly that for her, it's not over. It never will be over. It's the first real thought that gets through to her since the fight.

The fight. Her body turns numb when she thinks about it. At once the pain of her bruised body disappears and is instantly replaced with a burning feeling in her chest, when she realizes she's lost Angel for good. No, not lost him. Killed him. Every move of the fight starts racing through her mind as she walks down the sunny street, while she looks around anxiously for passing police cars.

Then, she stops dead in her tracks in the middle of the road. She can't stay here. Not because she's wanted for murder. For some strange reason, she doesn't even care about that anymore. She can't stay here in Sunnydale, where everything reminds her of him and even her mother doesn't want her around. Where she has put her best friends in mortal danger. Where she'll have to keep fighting, until one day she loses the fight.

The loud honking of a car horn startles Buffy and brings her back to reality with a shock. She quickly gets out of the way of the annoyed driver, and turns the corner to Revello Drive. It's time to make a clean break...


	2. Chapter 1: Leaving Behind

**Chapter 1: Leaving behind**

Buffy crawled inside through her bedroom window to be greeted by the sound of her mother sobbing in the kitchen donstairs. With only a moment's pause she grabbed her weapons bag and started filling it with clothes and the two bottles of water that stood beside her bed.

As she sneaked across the hallway to get her toothbrush in the bathroom, Buffy was startled by the ringing of the phone. She shrugged off the feelings of doubt that were slowly beginning to make their way into her numb mind.

"Buffy?" she heard her mom ask into the phone, followed by "Oh hello Xander." She didn't even try to conceal the disappointment in her voice.

"No, I haven't…" There was a long silence that sounded as if her mother was trying to compose herself.

"Willow's been released from the hospital? That's really great," she heard her mom say. The monotone of her voice continued, asking Xander how _he_ was doing, how Giles was.

Buffy screwed her eyes shut, as if doing that would effectively drown out reality and the excruciating guilt she was starting to feel. She was leaving her friends and family behind, and she wouldn't be able to protect them.

_They won't be in danger anymore once you're gone_, she convinced herself. Besides, she didn't _want_ to protect anyone anymore. She hadn't _chosen_ to be a Slayer, it had been forced upon her, and it had cost her the one person she loved above all.

Throwing the rest of her stuff in the duffel bag, her eyes lingered on the dresser table where she'd been hiding her stakes, crosses and holy water. She longed to leave all of it behind her, even though something deep inside of her – probably her calling, she thought bitterly – urged her to take them with her. It was a part of who she was, but it wasn't who she _wanted_ to be anymore.

Downstairs, Joyce heard a dull sound coming from upstairs and her eyes darted towards the ceiling. Without saying another word into the phone, she dropped the receiver and rushed upstairs. When she threw open the door to Buffy's room, the window stood wide open, and the closet door was opened, revealing the emptied shelves.

Then, she saw the note. It was a hastily written note on Buffy's pink stationary that was lying on the bed and was being slightly moved by the breeze coming in from the window. With trembling fingers, Joyce picked it up and started reading the untidy scribble.

_Mom,_

_I have to go. I know you can't deal with what I am, and you shouldn't have to. I don't even think I can deal. I need to be away from all of of this. Please don't come looking for me, I'll be fine._

The note fell out of her grasp and fluttered to the ground as Joyce's hands sought the bed for support.

-

Two hours later and three miles down the road, Buffy was standing on the pavement in front of Sunnydale High, in the confinement of a couple of trees. With tears in her eyes, she saw Xander, Willow, Oz, Cordy and Giles huddled together near Willow's wheelchair. Every one of her friends was looking worried and relieved at the same time.

_They know that I won the battle. The world didn't end, after all. But they don't know what I had to do to save them, what I had to give up -_

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and looked at her friends one last time, etching their faces into her memory. She fought the urge to run up to them and ask them what was new and brewing on the Hellmouth, like she'd done so many times before. She smiled throughher tears. It would seem as if nothing had changed.

Only, it had. Everything was different now. She wasn't even allowed on school grounds. She was a wanted fugitive with nothing to keep fighting for. She looked down at the bus ticket clutched in her hand.

They'll be fine without me. They're braver than they know. Much braver than me… 

She swung her bag over her right shoulder and, casting one last glance at her her friends, she walked away.

Twenty minutes later, she sat on a Greyhound and stared out of the dusty window at the worn sign that said 'Now leaving Sunnydale'. It seemed appropriate to cry, she thought, but she couldn't. She didn't feel anything anymore. The green suburbs turned into the harsh yellowish grey of the California desert.

There was only emptiness now.

-

TBC


	3. Chapter 2: Unexpected Help

**Chapter 2: Unexpected Help**

Six weeks later.

The sound of dripping water woke Buffy from another nightmare. The ones she had every night. The ones where it seemed she was happy, where Angel was alive and they were together. The ones where the pain was gone and everything was perfect, until she woke up and was suddenly pulled back into reality.

_When you kiss me, I want to die._

She shook off the remnants of the dream and got up. It was only 4AM and she didn't have to start work until ten, but she didn't want to fall asleep again. It was a welcome break after long days that never seemed to end, but it only made things worse every time she woke up. Sometimes her dreams made it seem that the past months hadn't been real, but each time she opened her eyes and realized she wasn't in his arms, the pain came back twice as fast and twice as bad.

She still didn't need much sleep anyway.

Buffy sighed and looked around the one-room apartment. She had rented a cheap place in one of the most torn-down blocks of downtown L.A., but it was all she could afford on the minimum wage she earned waitressing. The walls were bare and moistand there was hardly any furniture. The only sound she heard was the dripping of water in the sink in the corner, but it bore itself into her overloaded brain nonetheless.

Maybe I should take a walk, clear my mind… 

Roaming along the clammy streets that were only just beginning to cool down after a boiling hot day, Buffy thought about her life for the fifteen millionth time.

Suddenly, she was pulled from her thought by a loud piercing scream. Her hand automatically reached for the stake in the pocket of her jeans, when she realized she didn't have it with her. She wasn't on patroll, after all.

For a second, she hesitated. Then she made up her mind and started running in the direction of the scream. Turning a corner, she saw two struggling shapes in the twilight of a small alley. She looked around feverishly for something she could use as a weapon, and her eye fell on two small wooden beams sticking out of a pile of dumped garbage. Quickly, she snapped one of them in half and closed her hand around it. It felt natural, like one of her senses had been gone and was back again.

"Hey!" she yelled at the vampire as he had thrown a young woman against a wall and was just about to bite her. The demon looked up and grinned. Without breaking eye contact with the blonde, he knocked his victim unconscious and charged at her. In the blink of an eye, Buffy turned and gave him a flying kick in the stomach which sent him crashing against the brick wall.

That was when a second vampire hit her hard in the back of her head. For a second, she didn't see anything but the flashes of light that danced in front of her eyes. She spinned around and found herself face to face with four vampires who were looking like Christmas had come early this year.

She couldn't believe she hadn't realized there was more than one. Her senses didn't used to betray her like that, she thought.

Buffy clenched her fist around the raw wooden stake and charged at them. Within a matter of seconds, she realized she'd made a mistake. She hadn't been training in months, her reflexes were off and the vampires were more than a match for her. With a well-aimed kick, a burly vampire wearing a flanel shirt hit her hard on the shoulder. The stake clattered to the ground, echoing down the dark alley.

One of them had sneaked up behind her and gave her a sharp blow in the back of her head. The stabbing pain disoriented her, and the gang used the opportunity to knock her to the ground. She recomposed herself as they moved in on her, but before she had to fight them off again, the burly one turned to dust before her eyes.

"What the…" she muttered as a second one, a young blonde vampire, toppled over onto her. She could just make out a wooden crossbow dart in his back, before he pulverized as well. Buffy coughed as the ashes filled her lungs, but she immediately grabbed her makeshift stake and hopped back onto her feet.

With a few swift moves, she turned number three to dust.

"Hey kid! Duck!" someone yelled behind her as she went for the last vampire. Following her reflexes, Buffy crouched down and heard another crossbow dart flying over her head, hitting the last bad guy right in the heart.

The blonde turned around in surprise and noticed a pick-up truck full of teenagers parked sideways, blocking the entrance to the alley. Three guys that looked about her age were standing in front of it, holding crossbows. Without giving her a second glance, two young girls jumped out of the car. They ran up to the vampire Buffy had knocked into the wall and dusted him. Then they picked up the young woman, who was still unconscious, and heaved her into the pick-up.

Buffy was too surprised to say anything. Still, she looked alert as one of the young men walked up to her.

"Chill, I ain't gonna hurt you," the guy said. He was wearing worn down clothes and looked a bit dangerous, but his smile was kind. "You okay?" he asked. He looked at the wooden beam clenched in her hand and raised an eyebrow.

_Damn_, Buffy thought. Her mind started racing, searching for a plausible explanation, but the young man didn't seem all that concerned. Gently but with a firm hand, he ushered her to the pick-up.

"C'mon, you look like you could use a drink," he said with a grin as she hopped into the back of the pick-up. Buffy followed, still too overwhelmed to show any kind of reaction.

She sat down next to the unconscious young woman who was lying on her back in the back of the truck, and looked down at the floor as they drove off. She felt the eyes of all these kids burning into her skin. Her fingers brushed against the back of her head, which had received a couple of sharp blows, and she grimaced.

"I'll ask Alonna to take a look at that," the young man sitting next to her said. "We don't exactly have real medical supplies, but we got enough to patch people up."

"It's okay," Buffy answered; still reluctant to talk to the gang of kids. She wasn't alltogether sure if they could be trusted. "I'll be fine, I don't bruise easily."

"What were you thinking, taking on five of 'em like that?" the guy asked, taking her in from head to toe. "You could've got yourself killed." Buffy looked up at him.

"Don't worry, I can take care of myself," she mumbled.

"Looked like it. You been doing this before, haven't you?"

"Something like that, yeah," she said. She looked around at the people sitting in the truck. Most of them looked even younger than she was, but they all had the hardened features of people who have seen too much suffering in their life. "I could say the same for you though. You didn't exactly seem like a amateur either."

"We do what we can to stay alive," he replied with a shrug. Buffy wasn't sure he wanted to do any more talking, since he didn't seem like the chatty type, so she remained quiet until the car pulled over near an abandoned warehouse. The kids jumped out, rushing inside and greeting more teenagers who were waiting by the gate. Joking around with their friends, laughing and acting rowdy, they almost seemed like typical high school students, Buffy thought. She doubted they had the chance to go to school though.

The young man ordered some of the boys and girls to take the unconscious woman inside. Most of them had gone inside while Buffy still lingered. She'd come this far trying to shut herself off from the world. For nearly two months, she'd avoided any kind of human contact, and now it seemed strange and unnatural to interact with people without taking their orders.

"You comin' inside?" the guy said.

"Uhm, actually- I think I should be heading back," Buffy stammered. "You know, work and all that. Things to do, place to go, people to wait on."

"Right. Well take care of yourself, I don't wanna have to save your ass again," he answered, shooting her a huge grin. "Oh and I'm Gunn by the way."

"I'm B-"

"Gunn!" someone suddenly shouted. Both Gunn and Buffy's heads snapped round at the same time, to where another young man came running around the corner, clutching his shoulder.

"James! What happened, man?" Gunn said, rushing to his friend's side and putting his arm around his waist for support. "Where are the others?" Something in the way he said it convinced Buffy that he was genuinely concerned for one or more of 'the others', and not just because he seemed to be the leader.

"The second team was ambushed, man. Sorry…"

"Vampires?" Buffy interjected matter-of-factly. She couldn't just stand by and not get involved anymore.

"No, they were something else. A buncha demons with hoods and stuff," James muttered, lifiting up his hand to look at his bloodied shoulder. "I managed to fight them off, but they got Chain, Bobby and Alonna. I came as soon I could…" Gunn was staring at the other man disbelievingly.

"So… they're dead," he finally said in a resigned voice. He never stopped supporting his friend, but Buffy watched him as his other hand reached for the wall in support. Carefully, she put her hand on his arm.

"Maybe they aren't. If they were wearing hoods, it's probably a demon cult. They usually need human sacrifices, which means there's a good chance your friends are still alive if the ritual hasn't started yet," she said softly, surprised at her own conclusions. Giles usually did all the thinking. Before her mind started drifting off to her friends back home, she pulled herself together and faced the wounded young man. "Did you see which way they took your friends?"

"You really think they're still alive?" Gunn asked with his trademark frown, but now there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Cause if you know as much about all of this as you let on, we could use your help."

Buffy took a step back, her mind desperately searching for an excuse. She kept her eyes firmly fixated on the dirty ground as if her answer was waiting for her there.

"I-I don't- I can't. I'm sorry," she stammered.

"Look," he said, facing her so she was forced to look up, "Alonna's my little sister. I've always looked out for her, and if something happens to her I'll never forgive myself. I wanna trust you if you say she's still alive, but I need all the help I can get." Buffy shifted on her feet.

_I can't handle more people dying because of me. If I'm wrong and we walk into a trap, or if I can't save her…_ She didn't even want to finish the thought. Looking up again, she saw that Gunn that never broken eye contact. His eyes were burning with fierce determination.

"I saw you fight just now, and you're better than most of my crew combined. I don't know what happened to you that made up here, and I don't know what you had to deal with, but you're probably the best person to help us now." He paused and looked up as a couple of young people came out to carry James inside. Then he went on. "Me and my gang, we just fight. You look as though you might have a _plan_. Without your help, people are gonna die soon…"

"I'm not some kind of savior," Buffy said, raising her voice. "When I'm around, people die! I can't-" She let out a sharp breath. "I can't save _everybody_." Gunn just looked at her for a moment.

"But you can save _somebody_. There are three people tonight who're gonna die unless you get over your issues. That's gotta be worth something…" he said slowly. The small blonde stared at the ground, her mind racing. After what seemed like an eternity to the young man, she looked up at him.

"Okay. I'll help."

TBC


	4. Chapter 3: Good advice

**Chapter 3: Good advice**

"Are you sure they went this way?" Buffy spoke softly as the two of them stepped into a dark, narrow alley. There was no-one –or nothing– to be seen.

"Corner of Wilshire and Vine, yeah, this is where James lost them," Gunn replied, peering into the dark alleyway, trying to distinguish anything. "The crew's waiting 'round the corner in case we need back-up." Buffy nodded but didn't say anything. Her senses were focused on finding the demons right now.

"Here, demon, demon…" she muttered softly, twirling the axe she'd borrowed from James as she stepped into the dark passage, Gunn following close behind. She closed her eyes and tried to rely on her instinct. She hadn't used it for so long that she wasn't even sure she still had it, and at first she didn't sense anything. Slowly, however, something came to her. It felt like a knot in her gut. She knew what it meant, she'd felt it often when she was on patrol. It was her body telling her that she had to look out because something was nearby.

"In there," she said in a low voice, nodding her head towards a small metal door that seemed to give basement access. Without hesitation she walked down the steps to the door while Gunn ran back to warn his gang. She waited for Gunn to join her before kicking the door in full force.

At least fifteen demons with dark green skin and red eyes looked up simultaneously when the door slammed to the ground. There were standing in a circle, outlined by candles. In a corner of the room, Buffy could make out the huddled figures of Gunn's friends and sister. They were bound and gagged and looked terrified.

Buffy's mind suddenly flashed back to the past year. Willow, Cordelia, Giles and miss Calendar hanging upside down from a railing. Cordy being kidnapped and almost sacrificed a bunch of times. Miss Calendar's death. Kendra's death. Angel's death. Oh God, Angel…

She just stood there, frozen, trying to snap out of it but unable to move.

_I can't run from it._

"Watch out!"

Suddenly she felt a seering pain as one of the demons lunged at her, hitting her full in her stomach. She fell to the floor and she looked up, she saw that Gunn was being attacked by the whole pack. Buffy jumped back onto her feet and grabbed her assailant by the hood of its robe.

"Hey! That was rude," she growled, and snapped the guy's neck. She rushed over to Gunn and pulled some of the demons away from from him. "Gunn! I got it covered, untie your friends, hurry!" He quickly fought off the hooded demons and started making his way over to Chain, Bobby and Alonna. "Try to get 'em to escape up the stairs," he said, nodding towards the exit, "my crew's waiting for them outside."

Buffy sent one of the demons flying against the wall. Some of them started to run outside, and she could hear their screams as they were ambushed by Gunn's team out in the alley. She kept fighting off the demons, snapping their necks or putting her axe into their head while Gunn rushed over and started to free Alonna and his friends.

As soon as she was untied, Alonna hugged her brother tightly before pulling back and hitting him hard in the chest. "Are you crazy G? Barging in here and starting to take out a whole pack by yourself, you coulda gotten yourself killed!" she yelled, more upset than angry. Her brother smiled.

"Don't worry, I got help," he said, signalling at Buffy who was slamming two of the demons' head together so they sank to the ground. "Now get out of here!" Alonna raised an eyebrow.

"In your dreams bro, I have a score to settle with these assholes," she scoffed as she scrambled onto her feet, ready to go after all of them at once. Gunn quickly put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Fine, follow the boys outside then and help the team in the alley to clean up the ones that get away," he said. The young girl looked ready to protest, but the look in her big brother's eyes told her that this was not up for discussion, so she simply rolled her eyes and followed Bobby and Chain up the stairs.

"Little sisters, what can you do?" Gunn told Buffy with a grin while he slammed his elbow against a demon's nose. Buffy felt a small smile tugging at her lips, maybe the first in months.

"I wouldn't know," Buffy said as another demon fell to the ground, headless. She looked around, surprised at how easy and natural it all felt, when she saw one of the last demons making his way for the ventilation shaft. With a well-aimed flying kick, he hit Buffy in the back of the head. A seering pain shot through her upper body and for a moment she was blinded. When she looked up again, the demon was pulling himself up the shaft and out of their reach.

"Can I borrow this for a sec?" Gunn suddenly said, taking the axe fom her and throwing it straight at the last demon that was making his way up the stairs. It hit him full in the back, and he came falling back down the stairs and landed in front of their feet.

They both stepped over the demon's corpse and headed upstairs to find Gunn's crew waiting for them, laughing and joking as if they hadn't just been in a fight to the death. Alonna came running up to her brother and hugged him. She couldn't be more than fifteen years old, Buffy thought.

"Ow." As she sat in the back of the pick-up truck again, she rubbed the big bump that was growing on the back of her head. "This is definitely of the bad…" she muttered. She glanced over at Chain, Bobby and Alonna who were surrounded by the rest of the gang.

"Good fight," she told Gunn. She felt like she had to say something. He gave her a small smile and shrugged.

"They're family. Anything happens to them, it brings passion to the fight, you know?" he said, glancing at her. "Gives you extra strength to fight." He paused and looked at her. "You know what I mean, right? You seemed pretty experienced back there when it comes to beating down the big baddies."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean…" she said slowly as more memories came flooding back. Memories she'd shut out since she left, of her helping Willow, Xander, Cordelia, everyone…

"Hey, do me a favor okay?" Gunn said as the car parked in front of the warehouse and everyone jumped out. "You're pretty decent and this is not a city for decent people. You don't belong here. I don't know why you left wherever it is you come from, but it looks to me like you might be needed there."

Buffy sighed. "I'm starting to get that…" _But I'm not ready to leave just yet_, she thought to herself. Gunn seemed to have read her thoughts.

"Don't sweat it, I'm pretty sure everything is gonna work itself out if you go home," he told her with a kind smile. Buffy couldn't help but smile back and nodded.

"You're right," she replied as she hopped out of the truck. "I better go. Thanks for the advice Gunn." _You've been a bigger help than you know_. She shook his hand, waved at the other kids who were hanging out near the gates and started walking away.

"Hey!" she heard Gunn yell, and turned around. "You never did tell me your name."

"B- Anne. My name is Anne."

"Well, thanks for helpin' out Anne, I owe ya. Get home safe, and I hope I never see you again," he said with a broad grin. She smiled back over her shoulder before she turned around the corner and blinked against the bright sunrise in front of her.

TBC


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

It was only an hour after sunrise but already the sun was beating down, promising the city of Los Angeles another blood hot day. In the shade of the small streets of Koreatown however, Gunn only felt the sweat running down his back because of the five-block pursuit he'd gotten himself into. With one last jump he lunged at the young man running in front of him, grabbing him by the ankles so the guy slammed into the pavement. With a swift move, Gunn had his combat boot placed firmly on his face and gave him his most charming face.

"Hi, I believe you got something that is _not_ your property? Am I right?" he said, glancing at the purse that was clutched in the guy's fist and pushing his foot down slowly. The young man growled angrily, and at the same time his face turned a dark shade of green while his eyes flashed red.

"Hey, I know you," Gunn said, a bit surprised. He immediately regained his cool posture and smirked. "Snatching purses now? That's pathetic, man. I should just put you out of your misery." The demon guy whimpered, and Gunn couldn't suppress another smirk. "Y'know, a couple of months ago I probably would've; but you know, you're just not worth it."

He roughly pulled his foot off the demon's face and picked up the purse. In the corner of his eye he could see Demon Guy scrambling back onto his feet, onto to lunge at him again the next second with an alarming looking dagger in his hand. Gunn quickly pulled out his small battle-axe, spun round and cut the demon's head clean off in mid-spin.

"On second thought, maybe I'm too trusting." The demon blinked, right before his head fell off and bounced onto the pavement. "You _know_ you still had that coming," Gunn said with a shrug.

Half an hour later, after glancing through the purse and having found an address, Gunn was jogging up to a young blonde woman who was unloading crates of soda cans from a battered-looking truck.

"Hey," he said, holding the purse up in the air, "this yours?" The young woman looked up and a broad smile immediately appeared across her face.

"Oh my goodness, yeah it is. Thank you!" she said as she took the purse from him and glanced into it. "Wow, everything's still in here. Did they catch the mugger or something?" Gunn grinned.

"Not in the traditional sense, but don't worry, he won't be doin' any more damage."

"Thank you _so_ much. I run this shelter," she said, pointing to the white building behind her, "and I'd have been lost without the order forms in here. This," she added, pulling them out and waving them happily, "is definitely of the good." Gunn's eyebrow soared for a moment, but then he smiled.

"Hey, don't sweat it. I'm Gunn," he replied and held out his hand.

"I'm Anne," she said, shaking it. Gunn shook his head and grinned.

"Yeah, you would be…"

"What does that mean?" Anne asked, looking as if she'd missed the punchline of a really easy joke.

"Nothing. You just remind me of an Anne I met once, that's all."

THE END


End file.
